How NOT to make cookies for Teacher Appreciation Week

Yesterday, decide to make cookies for Teacher Appreciation Week.

Remember that there are 3 elementary school children, 3 regular teachers, 1 kindergarten aide, 2 special ed teachers, 1 art teacher and several PE teachers involved in 3 children's education on a daily basis.

Ask the kindergartener to make a list of all the teachers he sees daily.

Ask him to cross off the ones who don't personally help him, but are aides to the little blind girl in his class.

Feel slightly guilty for stiffing the aides, but not so much.

Tell kids yesterday that "we'll make cookies tonight!"

Tell kids, "Whoops, sorry. We'll try after school tomorrow."

Tell kids today, "You chose to play outside instead of making cookies, so I'll make them after bedtime."

Start cookies at 9:30 pm.

Decide to double the recipe that already makes 5 dozen snickerdoodles.

Preheat the oven to the wrong temperature.

Follow the recipe correctly (hey, I actually did that!).

Drop the cookie scoop on the floor.

Turn on the water in the sink to pretend to rinse out the beater, so the husband doesn't catch the wife licking it. ("Salmonella!" he always declares. I don't care.)

Decide to preheat the second oven, so cooking will go faster.

On second thought, turn the second oven off.

Place 2 sheets of cookies in oven, forgetting that the top one always cooks unevenly.

Set the timer.

Add 2 minutes.

Add another 2 minutes.

Take out pans. Be certain the top pan looks done, but really isn't, so it's a bit gooey.

Taste test.

You know what? Let's turn on that second oven again.

Place a sheet of cookies in that oven.

Notice that the light is still on in the top oven.

Accidentally press the wrong button, and turn the whole top oven off (with cookies in it), including the timer, instead of just the light.

RE-heat the top oven to 375, and add 8 minutes to the timer for the bottom oven.

Think to self, "I should really set the timer on the microwave, so I don't forget the top oven only has 2 or 3 minutes left."

Go against better judgment.

Watch web videos about proper fitness techniques. Yes, really.

Completely forget about top oven's cookies when the timer goes off for the bottom oven.

Decide to use top oven's cookies as hockey pucks after a taste test. (or decide to include them in children's lunches tomorrow.)

Spill just enough cinnamon and sugar on the floor to walk on with bare feet.

Make sure there is just one kamikaze fly divebombing each recessed light in the kitchen.

Find suitable bags for cookies, thinking that 4 each would be good.

Gyp the teachers out of 1 cookie each, because only 3 will fit.

Notice there are no twist ties to be found, meaning each bag will need to be tied with ribbon.

Heave a big sigh.

Surrender to inept cookie making skills, cover mixing bowl with foil, and place in fridge.

Blog about it, and procrastinate the rest of the work until tomorrow morning when child labor is awake.